Transcript of Toshis radio show, where he explains why he left X Japan (September 1997)



Toshi in good voice:

As you've already know, X Japan disbanded. I'll tell you what I think about it in this program. First of all, I'll read the messages that you have sent to me.
"The most painfull thing to me is to see teh posters of X Japan on the walls. Tehre are some photos taken at Tokyo Dome with my freinds too. Everyone is smiling. I've been waiting for your revival, but everything was over at the press conference. Your are not Toshi of X Japna anymore, I regret that I didn't know anything at all."
"Toshi, do you know that the other memebers anounced the disband of X Japan? Why don't you say anything to us? Have you already left the band? You are so cruel to us that you have us to wait and leave teh band without saying anything to us. Can't we see X Japan again? The other members saind that they're planing to give us a fnal concert, but it must be impossible without you. Please, Toshi, will you be on the stage again and let us see X Japan again?"
"X Japan disbanded. I've been crying since this morning when I knew that. You told the other members that you would leave the band in April, but you did't tell us. All X Japan fans are listening to this program today. Will you tell us taht you hae left the band by yourself? I want to hear it from you. I want to understand you and accept the reality that X Japan disbanded, but it's too hard for me now. I want you to tell us by your words. When you got married, you told us by yourself, so please tell us about it in this program today, otherwise I can't accept it. I, to say the truth, want you to go back to X Japan. If you don't tell us anything, I won't be able to hear your voice ever again. I feel pain."

There are a lot more.

Why I was not at the conference?
-- I wasn't informed about it. I knew it by reading the newspaper on that day. It was their decision, so it can't be helped. But, if I coul, I also wanted to addend the conference adn express my thoughts. Well, I have my radio program, anyway, so I'll tell you my thoughts here.
It is true, that I told Yoshiki that I wanted to leave the and in April. There were a lot of things before I decided. The decision was not done easily. I have been thinking about it for some years. The reason is... I have been playing with X Japan for many years, and I devoted myself to it, but I also wanted to express my feelings and thoughts by using my own words, so I started my solo works. I have been doing both things. All the members agreed that we should do the X Japan things first, and do each solo work in the spare time.
But I graduary came to feel it uncomfortable to perfectly defote myself to X Japan. There are a lot of reasons to it concerning with schedule or management work. I tried to make the ballance as Toshi of X Japan and Toshi as solo, but... Of course I did my best in X Japan; you can't play in X Japan easily, you can't face X Japan easily; X Japan and it's music are too great and they require your perfect devotion. I tried hard, but I couldn't.
I thought that it was not good to continue like that. I think every memeber hat the same feeling. I had a chance to talk with Yoshiki after the Tokyo Dome concert last year. He told me what he was planning to do with X Japan in the future. I was embarassed. I was not sure whether I could go with him. He was so enthusiastic, and I thought that I would not be able to play his music, X Japan's art, with this unballanced mind.
I asked myself what I really wanted to do. If I play with X Japan, I have to devote myself perfectly on it, otherwise it will be very rude to the other members and the fans. I ahve been thinking of many many things since them. And I finally decided that I should leave the band if I can't devote myself on X Japan only, I wanted to be true to myself. So I told Yoshiki that I wanted to leave the band in April.

I want you to listen to this song now. This is the ultimate love song of Yohiki I think.

-- Forever love (acoustic version) --

Those who have listened to this progam since last year might knew that I have met many people and things: land, culture, nature, ... etc. These things made me make my own music, I have met a lot of people who made me think about life and death. It came to be very important for me to live now "now" truely. I came to think that I have no time to waste. I have to live my live without any disguise. We don't know when we will die. To think of death is to think of thife. These encounters made me think why I can sing, why I'm here, and why I am what I am. I want to meet people when I want to meet them. I want to go where I want to go anytime. Every thing that I see, feel, touch, and hear will be on my art, though, and life. It's very important to me recently. X Japan has prevented me from going to these places or meeting these people.

If "Forever Love" is Yoshiki's ultimate love song, this is my ultimate love song.

--Hana-inochi no mebae--

X Japan disbanded, but I still think X Japan is the greatest band in teh world. This is true. I think that to let X Japan remain teh most wonderful figure is to make it forever in my mind. I know you have many many things to say. Most people must think 'why?'. But I have been playing in X Japan with Yoshiki for 17 years. Yoshiki said 'It was my life.' It was my life too. I devoted my life on it. X Japan will remain forever in me. X Japan has made me what I am now. I believe the things that X Japan gave me will give me a lot of things in the future, too. I'm sorry to have made you feel pain, but the things you have got from X Japan will surely have a great meaning in your future and help you. There still remains the songs. The songs of X Japan and the members will surely help you as they did before. They will support you and me. I'm proud of X Japan and you. It's painfull now, but this pain and sorrow will surely find the way and lead you to happiness.
X Japan is forever.

The last number; this is my favorite song of X Japan.


Some people say that the members are not get togther well and that Yoshiki and I (?) . I want to say that it is not true. I still respect Yoshiki as a friend and as an artist. I respect hide, Pata, Heath, too. We won't know what will happen. Yoshiki asked me to help him wiht the last song and the last concert, if he decided to do it. I'm ready to help him. I'm waiting for their contact.

Toshi in good voice.
September 23, 1997