Toshi 1998 (June/July)
NHK Studio Park (This ist not a real transcription but a summary of the interview)
About his childhood:
t. I'm from Tateyama, Chiba. I'm the 3rd son of the three brothers. I was very fat. I liked baseball. I was a Giants fan.
t. My mother was a piano teacher, so we had a piano in our house. I didn't do any pianolessons. I was good at singing, but didn't try any contests. I loved to sing alone in my room, playing piano or the guitar. I only practice the piano and the guitar to be able to acompany my songs. I sang every kind of music. I could sing in very high tone, so I could sing womans songs. My teacher told me to sing on the bus during the school journey. I sang "Gampeki no hana" in front of my friends.
You have the image that you only sing the Beatles songs or something.
t. I began to listen to the foreign songs later.
t. I belong to the brass band club at my junior high school. I played ? . I joined the club later than other members, so I could not play the flute or the saxophone. When I was at the 3rd grade, I went to another school (their school was divided into two.) and I joined the baseball club in the new school. I've been with Yoshiki since kindergarden. We formed a band when we were at the 1st grade at the junior high school.
The white and black guitar:
t. I bought this guitar when I was at the 1st grade of my high school. Kiss, Arosmith and other hard-rock bands were popular then. We played their songs. We played at the school festival. I had my hair cropped close. There are 4 or 5 members in the band. We came to Tokyo after we graduated from high school. Since I was a little child I've been suffering from an inferioty complex. I've been felling lonely and wanting to be loved or be friendly. I believed that they would not accept me if I could not be famous and great. While I had an inferiority complex I tried to gain my popularity to keep up apperance.
Toshi had an inferiority complex?
t. Yes, I did. I didn't notice then, but looking back I did. I wanted to be in the middle of the classmates when I was in school. Otherwise I could not stand the situation. I joined the rock band because I wanted to be famous. I stood for the school commitee to be popular. I tried to be noticeable. I wanted them to turn to me and love me. I was very sensitive to other people's mood. I could not speak frankly or straightly. I was always afraid that I should be disliked if I said such things. I was too sensitive to other people's mood to accept myself.
You look strong and convinced in the video.
t. I acted so. I was afraid.
How could you take such a definant attitude?
t. I was very much afraid of myself to that extent. I was weak and could not fell safe unless I I wore such a lot of things on me. I would be broken unless I defense myself with "Status" and with "honor". We got popularity. We succeded. We looked for the world. We started from a live house and we conjured "Budokan" and "Tokyo Dome". I was full of ambition, but never satisfied. However high you may go, you'll never reach anything. I thought that I would be successfull if I could be strong. But I wasn't happy. The more I made up myself, the further I go from myself.
But you gave us so much "dreams" and "hopes".
t. I felt pressured to think that I should act so and I shoudl do well as they expected I was empty and felt painfull. X Japan became too big.... insted of my will.
Everyone has dreams, but very few people can realise their dreams.
t. You tried hard and your dreams come true. You made your own image with the mass media and you succeeded. Are you asking too much?It depends. It was a very painful life for me.
About solo-work. Did you realize that there is a large gap between your solo and the band?
t. I wasn't happy after I succeedd both as solo and as the band. It was not my happiness. I wanted to be loved and praised, so I was happy at the moment, but I became uneasy at the next momen
t. It was not what I wanted. I wanted to be un-armored.
t. I'm ashamed of it.
Was it good for the band?
t. I was just looking for something else.
Do you want to give people deep impression as an "artist toshi"?
t. It depends on the people's minds whether I can make them move. I don't have any ambition to win by fighting against something or by making up myself or aming too high. It's another side of the inferiority complex. I deceived myself. I want to re-gain my true nature by going down a little bit lower.
About hide-tribut concert:
t. There will be an official anouncement soon.
About his future:
t. I want to live as I really want to live. I couln't say such a thing before. I want to live purely. I was too sensitive of other people's mood. I was just a deal or a business interest.
X Japan's reunion:
t. I don't know.
How many octaves can he sing?
t. I don't know. About 3?
What do you want to tell us by your songs?
t. To live purely.
t. I haven't been back to my hometown for several years.
t. To live simply.
When only one of your prayers will be heard, what do you want to wish?
t. It's difficult. I don't know.
What kind of woman do you like?
t. Those who live truely.
Will you have your hair grow long again?
t. No, I won't.
The funniest thing?
t. My Hamlet.
t. I look into it sometime, but I'm not good at it.
Most favorite song among your songs?
t. mori to kaze no tabibito